Loving my (gay) son

My son is gay. He has been going through a lot over the past few years and I often questioned why it is so easy for me to love him and others have such a hard time. He has been talked about, made to feel less than, and he has been condemned by people who claim they love him.

I think I have known longer than anyone that he was gay, and I never had a problem accepting him. We have been through many transitions over the years and I have always loved and encouraged him through it. I am a Christian, I do my best to follow God’s word daily, but me being a Christian does not mean I cannot love and accept my son for who he is. He once asked me “if God knew us before He formed us in the womb, why did He make me gay?” He was trying to gain some understanding because people were telling him God would never accept him, yet this is the way he came into the world.

I use to feel the need to defend every negative comment about homosexual people because I felt like they needed someone defending them against people who don’t really understand that this wasn’t necessarily a choice for them. I also felt like I needed to defend my son. This was exhausting, I soon realized that I couldn’t defend everyone, I could only be there to encourage, support, and guide my son. My son always has and will always have a safe place when it comes to me.

When he has questions, I do my best to answer them. When he is confused, I do my best to make things clear.  When he wants to vent, I listen. When he cries, I console and encourage. When he wants to learn the new Beyoncé dance, I am there right beside him. When he feels alone, I am his friend. I cherish these moments. Not just with him but with all my children. They know if they don’t have anyone else in this world, they have their mom.

On Friday, I was on my way home and it was one of those moments where I just need some peace and quiet to clear my mental space. I asked the question again; “why is it so easy for me to love my gay son” and the answer I got cleared everything up. It is easy for me because I loved him before I knew he was gay. I’ll say that again; I loved him before I knew he was gay. Nothing about my son changed when he told me he was gay, he was and is the same child I gave birth to, the same child I raised, the same child that loved me when I wasn’t “perfect.” Nothing changed about my child.

Many people focus on the fact that they are gay, that it is a sin, the lifestyle is not accepting, it isn’t normal. Well that wasn’t for me to decide, my decision was to love, support, and cherish my son. I often tell people that when I get to the gates of heaven I will not have to answer for my son being gay, I will have to answer for how I treated my son.

My son has struggled with his Christian beliefs for a while now because of what people tell him about the bible and how God feels about him. I encourage him to read, get to know the bible and God for himself. Even in his disbelief I prayed for him and made sure to keep him in church. At a young age my son has experienced God and His love, and he now believes again. Some people live life lost because they have no one standing in the gap for them. I was not having this for my child. I prayed for him constantly, I talked to him, and when I felt him getting off track I asked God for guidance. Before I give my son any sound advice I pray first, because I know one wrong word and I become like everyone else who has torn him down.

In closing, what I really want everyone reading this to get out of this message is that nothing that we do can separate us from the love of God (Romans 38-39) and there is nothing my children can do that can make me stop loving them. They grow, they change, they make mistakes, but they know I will always be there with open arms. The bible tells us we should love our neighbors, like we love ourselves. It doesn’t distinguish between race, gender, age, spiritual beliefs, or sexual orientation; it clearly states love your neighbors. Loving my son is easy because I loved him before he ever knew what being gay meant.

As always, thank you for reading. Please feel free to leave a comment or contact me through the contact card, found in the drop-down menu.