Tuesday, July 16, 2019, was hard; worry, doubt, and fear kicked in all at once. I sat at my desk completely overwhelmed with my thoughts; maybe the hotel was unsafe, maybe my goals were unrealistic, what if it didn’t work out as planned. Negative scenario after negative scenario kept playing over and over again in my head. My head was hurting and my heart was racing. My focus was non-existent; I just needed the day to be over with.
I let this go on all day, walking to my car I had to acknowledge that the devil was busy and he had won that day. Before I went to bed I sat on the side of my bed and I prayed; the side of the bed is my meeting place with God. I prayed that I got through this as gracefully as possible. That what I was going through did not reflect on my face, in my actions, or in my attitude. I knew that without a shadow of a doubt that God was going to work this out and that is what I wanted people to see when they looked at me. I wanted them to see God at work, I wanted them to see peace, I wanted to give them the best picture possible of what it looked like when you put your faith in God. I knew this wasn’t going to be easy but with God I knew it was possible.
He was already working things out in my favor and I didn’t even realize it. When you’re directly in the middle of something it is sometimes impossible to see what is ahead or how close you are to the other side. This is where I was, directly in the middle and I really had no idea of where I was going. I was just out here faithing it.
On July 31, 2019 I was at a stop sign, heading home from a doctor’s appointment with my children. At this stop sign if I went right, I went home, if I went left, I went back to the freeway. Sitting at the stop sign something told me to go left and go back to this neighborhood that I had looked at a few weeks earlier. Sitting at the stop sign I started to argue with myself, but I turned left anyways, I took the long way to get there because I am still trying to figure out the why. My son asked where we were going and I explained to him that I just had the urge to go.
When we got to the model home, we met this guy named David and he talked to us for an hour, giving us all the highlights of the neighborhood and the financing options. He offered us food and drinks, he talked to the children, my son really took to him. Then came the big question: Do you want to apply? I sat there for a minute, asked him to give me a few minutes to think it over, and I prayed. I asked my son what he thought and said what could it hurt. I filled out the application and within a few minutes I got an email stating I was preapproved. Shocked was understatement, up until this point we (my husband and I) had been turned down too many times to count.
We picked out our home, took some pictures, and I had to leave to get my other child because I did not want him to miss this. I had to explain to him that it was not in my plan to buy a house today, but here we are. I signed the documents, paid my earnest money, and left. I shared the news with one person and I told myself I wasn’t telling anyone else just in case it fell through. The next day I got to work and by lunch time everyone I worked closely with knew. The news just rolled off my tongue.
I thanked God so much and as much as I believed it was Him working things out for my favor that did not stop the doubt or the worry. On the way to work one day I heard a song by Tasha Cobbs called I’m Getting Ready, this became my theme song, I listened to this song every day because I knew God was about to do a new thing in my life and I just needed to be ready to receive all that was to come.
I really had no idea what all God had in store for me!