Loving my (gay) son

My son is gay. He has been going through a lot over the past few years and I often questioned why it is so easy for me to love him and others have such a hard time. He has been talked about, made to feel less than, and he has been condemned by people who claim they love him.

I think I have known longer than anyone that he was gay, and I never had a problem accepting him. We have been through many transitions over the years and I have always loved and encouraged him through it. I am a Christian, I do my best to follow God’s word daily, but me being a Christian does not mean I cannot love and accept my son for who he is. He once asked me “if God knew us before He formed us in the womb, why did He make me gay?” He was trying to gain some understanding because people were telling him God would never accept him, yet this is the way he came into the world.

I use to feel the need to defend every negative comment about homosexual people because I felt like they needed someone defending them against people who don’t really understand that this wasn’t necessarily a choice for them. I also felt like I needed to defend my son. This was exhausting, I soon realized that I couldn’t defend everyone, I could only be there to encourage, support, and guide my son. My son always has and will always have a safe place when it comes to me.

When he has questions, I do my best to answer them. When he is confused, I do my best to make things clear.  When he wants to vent, I listen. When he cries, I console and encourage. When he wants to learn the new Beyoncé dance, I am there right beside him. When he feels alone, I am his friend. I cherish these moments. Not just with him but with all my children. They know if they don’t have anyone else in this world, they have their mom.

On Friday, I was on my way home and it was one of those moments where I just need some peace and quiet to clear my mental space. I asked the question again; “why is it so easy for me to love my gay son” and the answer I got cleared everything up. It is easy for me because I loved him before I knew he was gay. I’ll say that again; I loved him before I knew he was gay. Nothing about my son changed when he told me he was gay, he was and is the same child I gave birth to, the same child I raised, the same child that loved me when I wasn’t “perfect.” Nothing changed about my child.

Many people focus on the fact that they are gay, that it is a sin, the lifestyle is not accepting, it isn’t normal. Well that wasn’t for me to decide, my decision was to love, support, and cherish my son. I often tell people that when I get to the gates of heaven I will not have to answer for my son being gay, I will have to answer for how I treated my son.

My son has struggled with his Christian beliefs for a while now because of what people tell him about the bible and how God feels about him. I encourage him to read, get to know the bible and God for himself. Even in his disbelief I prayed for him and made sure to keep him in church. At a young age my son has experienced God and His love, and he now believes again. Some people live life lost because they have no one standing in the gap for them. I was not having this for my child. I prayed for him constantly, I talked to him, and when I felt him getting off track I asked God for guidance. Before I give my son any sound advice I pray first, because I know one wrong word and I become like everyone else who has torn him down.

In closing, what I really want everyone reading this to get out of this message is that nothing that we do can separate us from the love of God (Romans 38-39) and there is nothing my children can do that can make me stop loving them. They grow, they change, they make mistakes, but they know I will always be there with open arms. The bible tells us we should love our neighbors, like we love ourselves. It doesn’t distinguish between race, gender, age, spiritual beliefs, or sexual orientation; it clearly states love your neighbors. Loving my son is easy because I loved him before he ever knew what being gay meant.

As always, thank you for reading. Please feel free to leave a comment or contact me through the contact card, found in the drop-down menu.   

I Can’t…..

So, I have a very bad habit of telling God, I have a very bad habit of telling God what I can’t do. I promise you, at least once a week I am telling Him what I can’t do, and God has a habit of telling me what I can do and how to do it.

Just recently I came home from a busy day of work and my house looked just like it looked when I left. You would have thought that my husband didn’t have the whole day off. I walked in my room kicked off my shoes, took a few deep breaths and changed my clothes. Sat down and talked to my son for a few minutes and then took him to his interview and went to the grocery store. After doing all this, there was still nothing moved in the house. So here I go, meal prepping, cleaning up the kitchen, cooking dinner for the family, all the while my husband sits there.

When I am done with all this, I go back in my room and sit on my bed and tell God I can’t do this. I just can’t. I know my husband is going through something right now, Lord what do you want from me because this is just too much. Now this is where it gets funny, I once heard that if you want to make God laugh tell him what you gone do. Well, when I laid down to finally go to bed, something in my spirit said, “love is kind.” I know this is a bible verse, I’ve heard it before. I pick up my phone and google “love is kind” (I am still finding my way through the bible) and google tells me where to find the scripture and I open my bible app and I read it.

Clear as day, I am being told how I can do it and how I should do it.

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Alright God, I hear you.

This is just one time, but I can look back and tell you about so many more

Me: God I can’t pay tithes, if I do, I’ll miss a bill, and something will get disconnected or it will reflect negatively on my credit report.
God: Try me (Malachi 3:10)

Me: God I can’t keep living like this, my finances are a mess, how will I ever be able to buy a home.
God: I will meet all your needs (Philippians 4:19)

Me: God I wrote the book, but I can’t afford to publish it, what if no one buys it and then all the money and time I put into it is gone to waste.
God: Write the vision and make it plain (Habakkuk 2:2-3)

These are real conversations that I have had with God in my time of discouragement and lack of faith. It is not easy trusting that everything will work out, it is not easy letting go of your circumstances and trusting that God has the power to work it out. Walking by faith is hard, being grateful for the things that you cannot see is even harder. God know we are human, and He knows that our feelings will sometimes win the battle, but I know that God has an answer for everything we are going through and everything we face.

So, when you feel like you can’t do something, know that with God you can do all things. Try Him for yourself.

I am……

Day 6: I am loved.

Some of things we go through in life can have us questioning our whole reason for being on this earth. We meet people, we get to know them, we fall in love with them, and then BAM! It’s gone. Why did that happen? Why did they come into my life? They couldn’t have loved me. Or if you’re like me this feeling of not being loved has been with you since you were a child. Parents had other priorities or they didn’t show you love like they should have.

You go from one relationship to another looking for the love you never had or the one you think you deserve but there is one problem you don’t really know what love is or what love looks like. It’s easy to say you love someone, it’s easy for someone to say they love you but love is more than a word. It is an action and a feeling and everyone doesn’t love the same. I love you is not enough when there is no action behind it.

As a child I often wondered if I was loved, and I would often ask myself if my mom loved why isn’t she here; if my dad loved me why isn’t he here; if my grandma loved me why did she treat me this way? I would look at my classmates and see that they had people in the stands cheering for them, their parents showed up on Parent’s Night, this is what love looked like to my young eyes.

This carried over into my adult life I often took a lot from people who claimed they loved me because I really wanted to be loved. I wanted to be loved so bad I planned my first pregnancy at 18 or 19 years of age, my thinking was if I had a baby I knew I would be loved and I would love them, it was like we didn’t have a choice but to love each other. I had him and he changed my whole world.

Changed Mindset…

Reflecting back on the time period from yesterday when I was going through this period of loneliness or being alone, I also had to learn another valuable lesson and that was how to love myself. During this time, I really had to do some self-reflecting. By this time my mom had passed but I was able to read some of her journals and letters that she wrote and I realized all those years she loved me she was just fighting her own demons. This helped me a lot. During this this time I also realized I was broken. I had been carrying around so much baggage and I had to just let it go. I had to find a way to forgive people who didn’t ask for it and who didn’t deserve it.

 

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I woke up in the morning and I would look the mirror before I brushed my teeth and I would tell myself “I love you.” I did this for about thirty days and finally I begun to believe it, I didn’t have to fake it any more I loved myself, it felt good. After that first thirty days I went further and started telling myself “You are beautiful.” I eventually started believing that too. That felt even better. I am loved and I am beautiful. This is what this “I am” challenge is for, when you start speaking things over your life and in your life, you start to see a change.

What really changed for me and what really made me see the love I have in my life is first the love I received from God, He really showed up when I needed Him the most. I mean we need Him everyday but somedays we need Him more than others. After I begun to love myself I was able to really love my children and I made and still make sure they know it every day.

We can say we love ourselves all day but if we’re not putting any action behind it are we really loving ourselves. By action I mean are we doing things that are going to help us live a healthier life, are we doing things that makes us happy, or are we just living.

Get in the mirror and tell yourself, I am loved, I love me! Then put some action behind it, start cleaning out your mental space, start setting goals, start really living life. You must remind yourself of this daily; I am loved, I am loved, I am loved!

For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life. -John 3:16-