Loving my (gay) son

My son is gay. He has been going through a lot over the past few years and I often questioned why it is so easy for me to love him and others have such a hard time. He has been talked about, made to feel less than, and he has been condemned by people who claim they love him.

I think I have known longer than anyone that he was gay, and I never had a problem accepting him. We have been through many transitions over the years and I have always loved and encouraged him through it. I am a Christian, I do my best to follow God’s word daily, but me being a Christian does not mean I cannot love and accept my son for who he is. He once asked me “if God knew us before He formed us in the womb, why did He make me gay?” He was trying to gain some understanding because people were telling him God would never accept him, yet this is the way he came into the world.

I use to feel the need to defend every negative comment about homosexual people because I felt like they needed someone defending them against people who don’t really understand that this wasn’t necessarily a choice for them. I also felt like I needed to defend my son. This was exhausting, I soon realized that I couldn’t defend everyone, I could only be there to encourage, support, and guide my son. My son always has and will always have a safe place when it comes to me.

When he has questions, I do my best to answer them. When he is confused, I do my best to make things clear.  When he wants to vent, I listen. When he cries, I console and encourage. When he wants to learn the new Beyoncé dance, I am there right beside him. When he feels alone, I am his friend. I cherish these moments. Not just with him but with all my children. They know if they don’t have anyone else in this world, they have their mom.

On Friday, I was on my way home and it was one of those moments where I just need some peace and quiet to clear my mental space. I asked the question again; “why is it so easy for me to love my gay son” and the answer I got cleared everything up. It is easy for me because I loved him before I knew he was gay. I’ll say that again; I loved him before I knew he was gay. Nothing about my son changed when he told me he was gay, he was and is the same child I gave birth to, the same child I raised, the same child that loved me when I wasn’t “perfect.” Nothing changed about my child.

Many people focus on the fact that they are gay, that it is a sin, the lifestyle is not accepting, it isn’t normal. Well that wasn’t for me to decide, my decision was to love, support, and cherish my son. I often tell people that when I get to the gates of heaven I will not have to answer for my son being gay, I will have to answer for how I treated my son.

My son has struggled with his Christian beliefs for a while now because of what people tell him about the bible and how God feels about him. I encourage him to read, get to know the bible and God for himself. Even in his disbelief I prayed for him and made sure to keep him in church. At a young age my son has experienced God and His love, and he now believes again. Some people live life lost because they have no one standing in the gap for them. I was not having this for my child. I prayed for him constantly, I talked to him, and when I felt him getting off track I asked God for guidance. Before I give my son any sound advice I pray first, because I know one wrong word and I become like everyone else who has torn him down.

In closing, what I really want everyone reading this to get out of this message is that nothing that we do can separate us from the love of God (Romans 38-39) and there is nothing my children can do that can make me stop loving them. They grow, they change, they make mistakes, but they know I will always be there with open arms. The bible tells us we should love our neighbors, like we love ourselves. It doesn’t distinguish between race, gender, age, spiritual beliefs, or sexual orientation; it clearly states love your neighbors. Loving my son is easy because I loved him before he ever knew what being gay meant.

As always, thank you for reading. Please feel free to leave a comment or contact me through the contact card, found in the drop-down menu.   

A Word of Encouragement

I know at times the path seems unbearable, you really don’t know how much more you can take. You pray, yet there is no answer. You talk to friends but the can’t help, they really don’t understand.  If only this would happen or if only that would happen, I’ll be alright.

Your deliverance is on the way, things will work out for you. This feeling will subside; start waking up determined to do your best. Look for ways throughout the day where you can be a help to others. Start praying for other people. Take the focus off of your problems and put that effort into something positive.

In the process see what lessons need to be learned. Do you need to learn how to be quiet, to not be quick to react, to not spend your check as soon as it hit the bank? Do you need to learn how to love unconditionally, to put the needs of others before your own.

Ask God to reveal to you what you need to learn and where you can approve. You are not here by accident, there is a testimony after this test.

“The pain that you’ve been feeling, can’t compare to the joy that’s coming.” –Romans 8:18-

A Position of Surrender

Have you ever gotten to a point where you just can’t go on? You feel broken, confused, alone, and maybe even lost. Have you ever felt like you couldn’t take anymore, asking God why me? “Lord you said you would never put more on me then I could bear, I can’t take any more of this.” Have you ever just fallen to your knees and cried?

It is at this point, in this position, where you surrender all to God. It is at this point where the load is lightened. Most people view this position as a sign of weakness, but it is actually the strongest position you can be in. A position of surrender. Not surrendering to your circumstances, to the problems, to the addiction, to the loss but you are surrendering to God. In this position you lay everything at His feet.

God did say He would never put more on us than we can bear (1 Corinthians 10:13) but at some point, we have to surrender it all to Him. We have to go to Him on our knees, hands raised to the heavens, and head bowed believing that his grace is sufficient. The moment we stop going to God with our tests, trails, and tribulations is the moment we decide we can solve our problems on our own. It is no longer He, putting things on us, but we are putting things on ourselves.

There is this gospel song that I love titled Be Blessed (Paul S. Morton). In this song he sings about praying and how God change things when we pray for one another. The surrendering is not the acceptance of defeat but the acceptance of victory through God. In our own strength we are not capable of changing things around but when we surrender and pray God steps in and lighten our load.

I want you to know that it is okay to give it to God, whatever “it” is. I promise you that once you surrender to God, He will change things.

No trial has overtaken you that is not faced by others. And God is faithful: He will not let you be tried beyond what you are able to bear, but with the trial will also provide a way out so that you may be able to endure it. -1 Corinthians 10:13- (NET Bible)

I Am Different

I am different, not like 2 Chains different, but I have changed. I am a different person.

Almost a year ago I decided to really follow God, I mean really follow. I decided to let go of my wants, desires, hopes, and dreams and follow his will for my life. I had a lot of hopes and big dreams but I realized none of what I wanted was important if I wasn’t living in the will of God. At first, I was fearful, I didn’t know what to expect. Would I be tested like Job, would I fall short of God’s glory, would I never live the life I desired, or would the devil come after my children (my biggest fear).

I knew with this new journey that I was about to embark on I was going to be tested, I just didn’t know what that looked like. On this journey I have lost so much but my attitude, as hard as it was, was it’s going to be okay God is control. Overtime I started to see a change, I feel conflicted when I curse, some of the things I use to enjoy irritates me, I work hard to have meaningful relationships, and I seek God in all I do. My conversations with God are different and I listen more for his voice.

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With this journey came many other changes, I constantly seek God’s presence. I am constantly reading my bible so that I can better understand. I share my experiences no matter how crazy they may seem. When I say I know God and I love God I feel it now and I mean it. I worry less, stress less, and argue less because I know God is in control. He goes before me and make crooked places straight and he prepares a table before my enemies.

The biggest change that I experienced and the one that I cherish the most is with my faith. I used to say God can do the impossible because it sounded good, now I know without a shadow of a doubt that He can do the impossible, that he still performs miracles. I have so much faith in God it has become contagious, my children are believing that God is going to answer all our prayers. My husband no longer says if, but when. My friends believe. This is so amazing to me. My daughter, 7 years old, talks about God more than I do.

I am different, and it is amazing. I love what God is doing in my life and I pray he continues to use me. The journey was hard in the beginning, but it made me conscious of my behaviors and I have a joy and a peace that surpasses all understanding, and for that I am so grateful. I am human I have my days, but in those days, I feel God’s gentle correction and that is so special to me.

If you have had an experience with God that you would like to share, I would love to read about it in the comments below.

What am I doing?

 

Have you ever asked yourself this? What am I doing? No really, what am I doing?
I have asked myself this time and time again and you know what; I never had an answer. Not until recently anyways.

A few months ago, I asked myself this question because I was lost, confused, stressed, and worried. Everything I tried, failed. When I tell you, this is a terrible combination of feelings, they made me feel absolutely miserable. So, I stopped, and I asked myself “what am I doing?” The answer that I came to me was nothing, I wasn’t doing anything that was going to get me to where I was trying to go. I figured it out; figuring it out was absolutely amazing and yet extremely funny. Here I am worrying myself to death about things that are completely out of my control.

So often we try to fix everything, when all we have to do is take our hands off of it and put it in God’s hands. I am the type of person who act before I pray and then I pray God take what I started and make it work. Trust, faith, hope, and prayer does not work like this. I also pray that God do it on my timeline, what am I doing? Telling God what to do, that’s what I am doing.

I challenge you today to take everything that has you lost, confused, stressed, and worried and put it in God’s hands, believe me he can handle it a lot better than we can.

Bible verses to reflect on:

  • So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today. -Matthew 6:34-
  • Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight. -Proverbs 3:5-6-
  • Yes, my soul, find rest in God; my hope comes from him. -Psalm 62:5-