I Am Different

I am different, not like 2 Chains different, but I have changed. I am a different person.

Almost a year ago I decided to really follow God, I mean really follow. I decided to let go of my wants, desires, hopes, and dreams and follow his will for my life. I had a lot of hopes and big dreams but I realized none of what I wanted was important if I wasn’t living in the will of God. At first, I was fearful, I didn’t know what to expect. Would I be tested like Job, would I fall short of God’s glory, would I never live the life I desired, or would the devil come after my children (my biggest fear).

I knew with this new journey that I was about to embark on I was going to be tested, I just didn’t know what that looked like. On this journey I have lost so much but my attitude, as hard as it was, was it’s going to be okay God is control. Overtime I started to see a change, I feel conflicted when I curse, some of the things I use to enjoy irritates me, I work hard to have meaningful relationships, and I seek God in all I do. My conversations with God are different and I listen more for his voice.

butterfly-1388397-638x427

With this journey came many other changes, I constantly seek God’s presence. I am constantly reading my bible so that I can better understand. I share my experiences no matter how crazy they may seem. When I say I know God and I love God I feel it now and I mean it. I worry less, stress less, and argue less because I know God is in control. He goes before me and make crooked places straight and he prepares a table before my enemies.

The biggest change that I experienced and the one that I cherish the most is with my faith. I used to say God can do the impossible because it sounded good, now I know without a shadow of a doubt that He can do the impossible, that he still performs miracles. I have so much faith in God it has become contagious, my children are believing that God is going to answer all our prayers. My husband no longer says if, but when. My friends believe. This is so amazing to me. My daughter, 7 years old, talks about God more than I do.

I am different, and it is amazing. I love what God is doing in my life and I pray he continues to use me. The journey was hard in the beginning, but it made me conscious of my behaviors and I have a joy and a peace that surpasses all understanding, and for that I am so grateful. I am human I have my days, but in those days, I feel God’s gentle correction and that is so special to me.

If you have had an experience with God that you would like to share, I would love to read about it in the comments below.

What am I doing?

 

Have you ever asked yourself this? What am I doing? No really, what am I doing?
I have asked myself this time and time again and you know what; I never had an answer. Not until recently anyways.

A few months ago, I asked myself this question because I was lost, confused, stressed, and worried. Everything I tried, failed. When I tell you, this is a terrible combination of feelings, they made me feel absolutely miserable. So, I stopped, and I asked myself “what am I doing?” The answer that I came to me was nothing, I wasn’t doing anything that was going to get me to where I was trying to go. I figured it out; figuring it out was absolutely amazing and yet extremely funny. Here I am worrying myself to death about things that are completely out of my control.

So often we try to fix everything, when all we have to do is take our hands off of it and put it in God’s hands. I am the type of person who act before I pray and then I pray God take what I started and make it work. Trust, faith, hope, and prayer does not work like this. I also pray that God do it on my timeline, what am I doing? Telling God what to do, that’s what I am doing.

I challenge you today to take everything that has you lost, confused, stressed, and worried and put it in God’s hands, believe me he can handle it a lot better than we can.

Bible verses to reflect on:

  • So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today. -Matthew 6:34-
  • Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight. -Proverbs 3:5-6-
  • Yes, my soul, find rest in God; my hope comes from him. -Psalm 62:5-

Defining Moments

Defining moments are events that determine every event thereafter. The impact of these moments can either be positive or they can be negative, the impact is determined by your behavior during these moments. Some people believe they can experience things and it have no effect on them, but it does. They may not realize it at the time but something changes, either they start to think differently or the way they feel about a person change. Either way everything they do thereafter is defined by that moment.

We, as humans, will experience many defining moments in our lifetime. It is impossible to go through life and not have experiences change you. Not all defining moments are big moments, some are rather small, so small that you might not even realize it. Later on, you’ll do something, and you’ll wonder why. You’ll think back to that small defining moment and realize it changed you. The big moments are easier to recognize. Regardless of how big or how small when you go through a defining moment you do not come out the other side the same.

One large defining moment in my life was when I lost the first job I had after getting out the military. It rocked my whole world, it was totally unexpected. Losing my job came with no warning and no time to prepare. I remember when my boss at the time called me in her office and told me I was being terminated, I actually laughed because I thought she was playing. I knew she wasn’t playing when I walked out of her office and a police officer was standing there to escort me out the building. I packed my stuff and left, I left with no plan, and no source of income.

As I was walking to my car I cried. I sat in my car continued to cry. I pulled myself together before I went and got my daughter out of the on-campus daycare. When I got into the daycare the lady was telling me about the things my daughter needed to have for the next day and I informed her that she wouldn’t be back because I had just lost my job. She asked my why and I had no answer for her because I did not know myself. On my way home, I prayed, I cried, and I asked God for understanding, provision, and strength because I had a family to take care of. I had children and a husband who depended on me.

The day I was terminated I was sitting at my desk and the scripture “be still and know I am God” just kept playing over and over in my mind. I posted the scripture to my Facebook thinking it may help someone else who was having a defining moment not knowing it was for me and the defining moment I was about to face. When I got home I told my family the news but this time it wasn’t heavy. The next day when I woke up, I was okay, co-workers called to check on me, offer words of encouragement, and gave me advice on how to fight it. One by one I told them I was okay, and that God was in control. I truly believed that.

In my defining moment I could have gotten upset, acted a fool, felt sorry for myself, stress, and I could have given up on my dream; but instead of doing all this, I choose to trust God. I didn’t like the job or my boss anyways. I did fight the termination and I won my case. I took the time that I had off and I worked on my degree, became a stay at home mom, and crafted my cooking skills. I think my husband gained fifty pounds that year. The same position I was in opened at another location, I applied, and got the position. I have moved on now from that position, but I been with organization for three tears and I love what I do.

In my defining moment I did not give up, I did not wallow in the moment, I had faith for my future. I knew then, and I know now, even more, that God does not close one door without having better plans for another one. He moved me from an area where I thought I belonged and he opened doors in the place where I actually belonged. This moment shifted my whole life but most importantly it taught me how to really trust God and the process. The moment changed me, but I allowed it to change me for the better, it gave me a different outlook on life both personally and professionally. I know at times it is hard to overcome these defining moments, but my advice is to stay in faith and keep going. Sometimes defining moments seem like the end but they are the beginning of something new.

I have had many defining moments and each one comes with its different share of challenges. I challenge you to look back on your defining moments. How did they make you feel? How did they change you? How are they still effecting you? If you want to share leave a comment below and thank you for experiencing life with me.

Conflict Management

In life we will experience many conflicts. Conflict doesn’t have to always be with another person or thing, sometimes we wage conflict within ourselves. Learning to manage conflict properly is going to save you a lot of time and strife.

Not every argument has to occur, not ever fight has to happen, and not every wrong has to be addressed. We have all heard the saying “pick your battles wisely”, this means you can choose which battles are worth fighting.

Did you know conflict starts long before you even address the person? It starts in your mind, if you are like me you have the whole argument figured out before you ever get to the person. It may go a little something like this: I can’t believe she just said that, next time I see her I am going to let her know I didn’t like what she said and I dare her to say something back. Another example I bet when I get home the dishes are still going to be in the sink, the kids just don’t listen, they are going to get it when I get home.

What happens? You carry this conflict around with you all day and sometimes for days. The conflict is ongoing and until you can tell the person what you have played over and over again in your mind the conflict is still raging. At this point the other person doesn’t even know you all are fighting.

Story time:
One day I was leaving work, walking to my car, it was a Wednesday. On Sunday this person said something I didn’t like. It wasn’t directed toward me but I felt like they were throwing “shade” my way. I talked to my husband about it Sunday night, I talked to my best friend about it Monday, and by Tuesday I was heated. Wednesday I decided I was going to call this person as soon as I got to my car. Walking to my car I went through the whole argument, it went something like this: “Sunday you said something I really didn’t like and I feel like you were being shady, I have done nothing but support you but for you to say something like that it really hurt my feelings. Hold on let me finish (yes, I did), people think they know stuff about me but they really don’t. Everything I got, I worked hard for so for you to try and be shady knowing my struggle is really messed up.”

In this argument I knew the person wasn’t going to take responsibility for their action, I accounted for this already. After I finished sorting out how the conflict was going to in my head, I heard a voice say now is this worth your time? My answer was no, I do not have to defend my blessings. Not only that but I had let the conflict control enough of my time and energy and the sad part about it was the person never knew we were in conflict with each other.

Conflict is not just physical; it is also mental and it will disturb your peace. It will control your emotions and it will ruin relationships. Managing conflict is important. A few questions to ask yourself:

  • Is this worth my time?
  • Will what I say make a difference?
  • Is this worth my peace?
  • Is this my battle to fight?
  • Will I be okay if the relationship ends?

If you answered no to any of these questions, let it go. Not every battle is worth fighting and not every battle is yours to fight.

You know I don’t write anything without relating it back to the bible. I will leave you with two bible verses today.

  • Proverbs 15:1: A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.
  • Ephesians 4:26: Be angry, and yet do not sin, do not let the sun go down on your anger.

Both verses are telling us to be careful of what we let flow out of our mouths, hearts, and minds and both are telling us to not stir up anger but let it go. Doing this is for you, it won’t feel good at first but in the end, you didn’t lose anything. You are not weak when you let conflict go you are strong because you were able to overcome and you will be rewarded in the end.

Breaking Point

As I was going through my day, going over in my head all I had to do, this message came to me. This is unrehearsed, raw footage but I hope the message is received.